Purpose. A big concept. Current wisdom says we all have one. We are all on this earth for a reason, have a purpose to fulfill. This is something I have been struggling with. What is MY purpose? What is inviting my time, enthusiasm and energy? Today. Right now ...
For years it was a no brainer. I wanted an education and career. Tick. Was lucky to find a good partner and marry. We had 3 boys. I knew what I was about in a very practical way every day. Tick. Work required certain skills and abilities I was able to provide. Tick. My parents got older and needed care before they died. Tick. Friends, travel, new learnings. Tick, tick, tick. Somewhere in there I was fulfilling a purpose. I hope!
Now I won't be so foolish to say 'what's left?' There is much out there. Trouble is nothing has really grabbed me. Throwing myself at things because I can doesn't interest me any more. I have more than enough day-to-day activities to fill that box. No I am looking for the 'the one thing' that turn my head and creates that whole body 'Yes'. I have a couple of friends that have been clear on their purpose for years. 'To touch the lives of a million people.' is one.' To support and create resilience in young women in our still misogynistic workplace'. These provide a clear direction every day. My sense of purpose has never seemed this large or well articulated. If I am truly honest what still gets me excited and spun out are new ideas, new concepts and how they might apply to everyday life. How they might explain behaviours and actions. I can get completely lost in the world of ideas for hours and hours. Or lose time exploring those ideas and concepts with like minded individuals. This is certainly a passion. Is it a purpose?
Or could it be I am looking for a purpose bigger than it needs to be? One that I can hold up against my friends and say 'see me too!'. Perhaps I have fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others. Wouldn't be the first time! Or maybe purpose is an invitation. A siren call that you can't resist. One recognizes it when it shows up. Either way I'd like to think I will know it when it appears.
In the meantime I cannot force a 'purpose'. As much as I'd like to have that tick mark. Ha! My challenge is to sit for a time empty and leave enough space so I will recognize it when it shows up.