Had no idea 2 years ago, that that would be my last Christmas with my Mom. I am so glad we don't see these things coming. The intervening time has brought lost of changes for me, some, like not being able to wear the fancier shoes with the high heels and a shift in my work focus, are obvious. Many are not. Once Mom died, I was required to 'fully' grow up. I was no longer a 'child' to someone. My relationships with my siblings, sons, daughter-in-law, husband and myself all needed to adjust - perhaps as a result of mom's death or perhaps because it was simply time. It's a process - damn it! Certain things can't be hurried even though we wish it other wise.
Today I stand more comfortably with who I am and what this next time is about. Don't get hooked and knotted up (well mostly :-)), about how things should be. I can take in events around me with an equanimity previously not available to me.
Isn't this what this Christmas time is about? A birth, or a rebirth that accompanies the returning light. It feels hopeful. For a few short hours the (Christian) world pauses to reflect and celebrate with family and friends.
2 years later, I too feel renewed. It's December 24th and all is well in my world.
Blessings to you for a warm and wonderful Christmas season!