With my website host getting out of the biz, I have been making steps to begin the process of shifting my website. With this I am pulling off material. Deciding what I'll keep and what I'll toss. So it's been with some surprise and delight I have been reading through old blogs. Heck there is a lot of good stuff there! And an edge. One that seems to have softened this last while. What's with that? I've been asking myself.
Ah, ..... as I sit with this question I am reminded I'm off my center. That this time of hosting our son, his wife and new baby while their house is built has taken up more energy that I want to admit. I mean really, I'm a good person; can handle adversity with aplomb; am generous in thought and indeed roll with the punches. Well apparently not so much! What I am good at is denial! My old habit of 'slap on a cheery face and carry on' bit me in the bum and the pocket book. A cosmic 2x4 landed it's blow!
The telling story is one day a few weeks ago I was obsessed with doing my errands, washing my car and getting home while the place was empty to enjoy. When I say obsessed I mean obsessed. That should have been my first clue! Off I went to fill up at the PetroCan across the Henday. Now as an aside I have been filling up for years. It's automatic! Well after pre-paying for my gas I picked up what turned out to be the diesel pump. (Yup you know where this is heading!!). The regular price selection light didn't go and didn't go. What?!? I thought. Then it did light up! So away I go. Of course I now know that the pump I just thought was bent is made to fit diesel vehicles only. But I made it work! Let me say again - obsessed. It was when I went to pay it dawned on me what I had done. OMG! At that point my only thought was could I go the few blocks home to get it towed to have my gas tank drained. The answer to that question is no!
My car quit on the 87th Ave bridge. I was sick with my stupidity. Sick! Mega dollar signs flooded into my head. Shame filled my psyche. But there was a car to take care of. With effort I slipped into that mode and did just that. When I was deposited back home to await the news of 'how much?', I saw myself as I truly was. Holding my own - just, weary most nights with my efforting to be positive if only to myself and just not prepared to acknowledge any of this. Ignoring the signs, and there were plenty, has put me into a painful situation more than once. Going back to my older blogs I saw a smugness that quite possibly I had this one put to bed. Apparently not! As is the case situations come around to give you another chance. Another lesson was in order, .....