Got together will a woman I used to work with. Over the (10) years since we both left the place where we worked, we have maintained a regular coffee schedule and developed a wonderful friendship. It's always enlightening to periodically give pause and consider where you have come from. Today's conversation was one of those times, ......
We were talking about my upcoming workshop series (Offerings) which looks at the personal transition side of being 60 - 65+. The last 30 years of your life come with some angst as well as much freedom. Though it takes awhile to come around to that. Loy told me about a meeting she recently had with a woman approximately 9 years younger than her. This woman was all over the map in terms of what will she do, how will she manage, was retirement the right decision. Not because she was a flighty individual but because as work recedes we have no real idea what this time brings. The biggest question at the root of it all is 'Who Am I Now?' We rush to fill the space left by the route of work because sitting for a time empty scares the crap out of us! We feel the deep need to describe ourselves as a something or still doing. I am still coaching, working part time, volunteer _ days/week, look after my grandkids, have taken up pickle ball, etc etc When we make these statements to others the "I" is still attached to a recognizable something. The "I" still exists.
Loy saw this process happening with her friend. She reflected that this was what she too did when she was at this gal's age/ stage. Didn't see herself as 'wandering the desert'. That's something you don't want to even consider, .... that you are really for a time lost. We laughed. I remember our visits from back then. It was not an easy few years. One is truly in the grip of the bottom of the change curve solidly in 'chaos'. It can suck! :)
My good friend though actively engaged this time. Fast forward 7 years down the road. There is a deep contentedness with her life. She's does the things that genuinely suit her. Is able to say 'no' to the asks that don't suit. She's comfy with who she is now and in her skin. It's taken time, .... but then doesn't it usually?