Been savouring a day spent with my grand daughter last weekend. Her dad asked if he could drop her off late morning to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa before a big family birthday supper later that day. She was wanting to come early. I was a little fussed and I love spending time with her. There was much to do to prepare. So I accepted the fact that with a young one only so much would be accomplished. Sure! bring her by.
Our time together consisted of eating - we both love our food! Doing some cleaning and setting up of the table. Time at the 'Grandma and Grandpa' playground. As we were enjoying the swings (read Marion swings and I push endlessly!), a number of realizations hit me in rapid succession.
* When she was born, I simply wanted to be the very best Grandma. This had me put incredible pressure on myself about how I showed up and the need to see her often so she could be with this very best Grandma.
* As frequently happens when you are forcing your view and expectations on a situation, you get push back. And I did.
* My internal struggle said I was out of the flow of this whole relationship. That required me to need to back up and rethink this whole Grandma thing.
* At no point in the past three years has my grand daughter thought me any less or more than her Grandma. Period. I am ENOUGH just as I am!
To say this was startling to me would be an understatement. Yet it is so obvious. Kids accept (So! much better than adults) what is in front of them.
This got me to thinking how often we are overly concerned with how others perceive us. We want to make a good impression, an impact, be recognized for a skill, strength we feel we have as we rush and push to get ahead, to be noticed, to be viewed as successful. All that fussing in our heads has us miss what's in front of us and the fact we are indeed enough - just as we are. There isn't a lack. We only need to show up fully.
My darling grand daughter handed me a beautiful gift last Sunday by being who she is - fully and completely. I accepted that gift by realizing I am enough.