Sunday is an extra special reflection time for me. I have some questions I pose to myself at the end of each week to capture the essence of what the week has been. Every once in a while there's a loud Bingo! While doing a stream of consciousness writing about 'My Joyful Life', I wrote to be all I am followed by to be all I am not. I stopped (not what you are supposed to do with this type of writing). It hit me. Hard! I don't go near the things I am not! They are weaknesses, not 'positive', can pull you down. Focusing on them dooms you to be buried there in the mud fixing something that can't be fixed. Or so say the current wisdom.
The Bingo was what if I embraced the things I am not as heartily as the things I am? Rather than skirt, hide or diminish them, I loudly declare who I am not! It felt like a missing piece for me. That whole other side of me that is not acknowledged for fear of not showing up as positive, chipper, go-getter. Yet all I am not defines me too! So here goes.
I'm an Extrovert and tend to love being with people. Yes! And now a days many people are not to my liking, crowds energy sucking and it turns out I often rather like my own company.
Generally I see or work hard to see the good or other possibilities in situations. And sometimes what shows up is just wrong, stupid or just not my worth time or energy so I turn away and don't engage. Turn off inane TV, unless expecting an emergency turn off your phone when we are having coffee. Please don't ask me to 'Share if you agree'.
I care about my family. A lot! But sometimes it's just all too much and I don't care - for a time.
Been married 40 years and have been a pretty good partner for the most part. The other part - I can be a bitch!
This isn't the whole enchilada but you get my drift. Saying any of this isn't something I want to debate. This is, well, 'is' stuff. The world doesn't always show up nice and either do I. Declaring there's a cranky, don't care, disengaged gal in there sometimes means I have a chance to make peace with her. Something I have been loath to do. I'm thinking this might just be a good thing.